I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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