the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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