i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
