dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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