i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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