can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
