i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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