So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
