Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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