Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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