paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
