i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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