Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
