Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
