Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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