hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
