What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im part way to drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
