tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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