Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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