puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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