One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
