dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
