how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
