that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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