CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
