You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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