just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
