Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
