Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
