This is not my ceiling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize