She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
two words: eviction party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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