omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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