I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
