So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
