So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
