I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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