Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
