Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
