Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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