My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
