Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
