i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
