We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can I color on your dick again?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
