he wants to bone in the snuggie
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
