Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
