i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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