I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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