Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
