Don't make out with my wife yet
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
