eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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