this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
