I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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