I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
