Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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