Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
