everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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