i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
