Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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