Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
