Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize