I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
