you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
