Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
