I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the condom got lost in my hair
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
