The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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