my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
