kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
