Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
