i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
