I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
