Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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