Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
