My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
