In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
