when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize