somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
