Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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