so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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