i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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