I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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